The preseason games may have started, but N.F.L. coaches are in midseason form in reciting clichés. They hoped to see some specific generalities from their squads in the opening games.
“I want to see execution of the offense, good decisions and support,” Detroit Coach Jim Schwartz said.
Execution of the Lions’ offense is something many of their fans have supported for years.
“We want to see who can block run, pass, kick, tackle, etc.,” Pittsburgh Coach Mike Tomlin said.
The Steelers should check those things before they draft or sign players.
Kansas City Chiefs Coach Todd Haley took the Socratic approach to planning for his team’s preseason opener.
“How are they doing things?” he said. “Do they know what to do? Do they know the way we’re coaching them to do it? How well are they doing it?”
It is a sign of wisdom to admit what you do not know.
Preseason openers are a time for coaches to ask hard questions, and for players to master little things, like the coin toss. The Oakland Raiders kicked off at the start and after halftime against Arizona, because of garbled communications.
“We wanted to kick off,” Coach Hue Jackson said. “They were talking amongst themselves. The referee said, ‘What do you want to do?’ ”
One of the Raiders captains said, “We’re going to kick off,” Jackson said, and the other one said to defer.
The referee apparently took the ironic-genie approach and cursed the captains with both wishes. At least no one said he wanted to kick to the clock.
Given the choice of watching the first round of preseason games, it is best for all but the most hard-core fans to defer. Even the Philadelphia Eagles managed to be dull in Thursday’s 13-6 win over Baltimore despite their sideline looking like the audience at the ESPY Awards. When Philadelphia put its second string in the game, Vince Young joined Ronnie Brown in the backfield, and the backups looked like an A.F.C. Pro Bowl lineup from five years ago. But by halftime, the third-string quarterback Mike Kafka was handing off to Dion Lewis, and the Eagles’ star-studded offense turned into a cockroach.
The fourth quarters of early preseason games resemble the deck of the municipal pool when the whistle blows to end senior swim: a giddy anarchy of eager youngsters colliding, unsure of how they are doing things or when they should defer. Denver and Dallas fans wanted to see many things when their teams squared off Thursday night: Tony Romo’s return from injury, the coaching debuts of Jason Garrett and John Fox, and some resolution to the Tim Tebow-Kyle Orton debate (which is rapidly becoming the Tebow-or-Else Consensus).
What they got was a Brady Quinn-Stephen McGee passing duel. The two third-stringers led their teams to 28 points and 4 fourth-quarter lead changes before McGee’s Cowboys prevailed, 24-23. Unfortunately, all the fireworks occurred after most fans switched to a new episode of “Futurama.”
The most interesting football footage came not from a game but from Terrell Owens, who posted an eight-second video online to prove that his anterior cruciate ligament was healed. The video shows a shirtless Owens performing a footwork drill on a field ladder, then breaking into a sprint.
There is nothing like the sight of an underdressed Owens exercising independently to remind N.F.L. general managers of what makes him such a low-risk acquisition. The video proves little: if Owens wants to convince anyone he is healthy, he must prove that he can pick up a hopscotch pebble without toppling into the seesaws.
With no off-season activities this year, teams have had to scale back on many traditions. Even rookie pranks have been curtailed. Jacksonville Coach Jack Del Rio placed severe restrictions on the practical jokes, including rookie haircuts. In past years, Jaguars player-stylists moved beyond the Friar Tuck and reverse Mohawk acts of butchery into tonsorial topiary with an NC-17 rating.
With all the time they devote to training and playbook study, when do players have time to master prurient barbering? Maybe the Jaguars should draft more players from the Southeastern Conference and fewer from the Gordon Phillips School of Beauty.
Del Rio does have some sense of humor. He did not cancel “The Rookie Show,” a talent competition that sounds like a 270-plus-pound version of “Minute to Win It.” To minimize costs and injuries, Del Rio shortened the name of the event from “Rookie Show: Turn Off the Dark.”
All of Del Rio’s “focus on football” initiatives had an immediate effect: his Jaguars lost, 47-12, to the Tom Brady-less New England Patriots on Thursday. But their hair was perfect.
Just because pranks have been curtailed does not mean players cannot have fun. Carolina Panthers running backs have been wearing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle winter caps during training camp. Steve Reed of CBSSports.com wrote that DeAngelo Williams is Leonardo, Tyrell Sutton is Raphael, Jonathan Stewart is Donatello and Mike Goodson is Michelangelo. Cowabunga! It sounds like a running back renaissance, but the Panthers may keep only three of them on the active roster. Shredder wants to see you, kid, and bring your playbook.
Nothing strikes fear into opponents or convinces coaches of mental focus like cartoon caps, but if Washington Redskins receivers could call themselves Smurfs in the 1980s, Panthers running backs can be Ninja Turtles today. If some players start calling themselves the Bubble Guppies, however, it may be time to shave something naughty into their heads.
