Steelers at Ravens
Sunday, 1 p.m.
Line: Ravens by 2
One of the N.F.L.’s fiercest rivalries has become “The Newlywed Game.” Both Ben Roethlisberger and Joe Flacco got married in the summer in what, with a little creative planning, could have been an awesome dual ceremony: Roger Goodell presiding, DeMaurice Smith playing the organ, Ray Rice as ring bearer. Matrimony may have a mellowing effect on the two signal callers, particularly Roethlisberger; the already-mellow Flacco’s gift registry was at Crate & Barrel, so while he still lacks a Super Bowl ring, he has all the napkin rings he could possibly need.
Domesticity implies age, and this rivalry is definitely graying: Ray Lewis is 36, James Harrison 33, Casey Hampton 34, and even newcomers like Ravens center Andre Gurode are on the wrong side of 30. Still, most of the participants are young enough to enjoy a good schoolyard taunt. “They talk a whole lot,” said Hampton, who must wear noise-reduction headphones in his own locker room. “I want to be part of that,” the new Ravens fullback Vonta Leach said. “I want to talk about being part of the great rivalry.”
The Steelers are 6-2 against the Ravens in the past three seasons, with two playoff victories, including a 31-24 win last season that was decided by a 55-yard Roethlisberger completion on third-and-19 in the fourth quarter. “It seems like they always have us beat and we always end up beating them,” Hampton said. But a great rivalry, like a good marriage, should be full of surprises. Pick: Ravens.
Cowboys at Jets
Sunday, 8:20 p.m.
Line: Jets by 4½
The Ryan brothers can always be counted upon to stir up some familial controversy, and this past week was no different. So we are forced to take the high road. The Cowboys rid themselves of many of their controversial characters in recent years, which is why the defensive coordinator Rob Ryan is now doing most of the talking. A quieter Cowboys team would cause a bluster void in the N.F.L. if not for Rex Ryan’s Jets. Mark Sanchez is on the GQ cover as “the rock-starriest New York quarterback in decades;” Judging by the black tank top and white jeans Sanchez wears in the magazine, rock-starriness for GQ reached its apex with Simon Le Bon in 1986.
These new, under-the-radar Cowboys are ostensibly led by Jason Garrett, though with Jerry Jones squeezing from above and Ryan from below, Garrett must feel like the cheese in the world’s most self-aggrandizing Panini. Garrett’s team is young, unheralded and hoping to play the spoiler. Pick: Jets.
Colts at Texans
Sunday, 1 p.m.
Line: Texans by 9
Peyton Manning will miss a start because of injury for the first time in his career; the recently acquired Kerry Collins replaces him. The Colts organization is putting a brave face on matters, but you can determine the owner Jim Irsay’s true emotional state by the classic rock lyrics he Tweets. Anything by The Hollies or Fairport Convention means Manning will be back soon. Steely Dan could mean anything from measured optimism (“Can’t Buy a Thrill” era) to mild despair (“Katy Lied“). If Manning’s latest neck surgery shelves him for the season, Irsay will clue us in with a selection from Neil Young’s “Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere.”
The Texans have a rebuilt secondary designed to stop the Colts. They also had some Twitter drama of their own when Arian Foster published the M.R.I. images of his ailing knee last week. The Tweets displayed dubious taste and awful judgment, but worst of all did little to end injury speculation: Foster is questionable for Sunday. You would think that 400,000 diagnoses could yield one straight answer. Pick: Texans.
Falcons at Bears
Sunday, 1 p.m.
Line: Falcons by 3
The Falcons abandoned their slow-and-steady philosophy in the off-season, trading five draft picks for the right to select receiver Julio Jones, a deep threat to complement Roddy White and open running room for the plowhorse Michael Turner. The Bears upgraded their pass protection by drafting the enormous Gabe Carimi, but the coordinator Mike Martz then took steps to make his offense more Martz-like, replacing the versatile tight end Greg Olsen with the disappointment-at-large receiver Roy Williams. With Williams dropping passes and the offensive line again in flux, Cutler must brace for another 50-sack season. Martz loves offenses that can throw deep. He will be watching one from the opposite sideline on Sunday. Pick: Falcons.
Vikings at Chargers
Sunday, 4:15 p.m.
Line: Chargers by 8½
Like a superhero movie franchise that fell short of of expectations, Donovan McNabb’s career now needs a reboot every year or so. McNabb 3.0 is now a mentor to the rookie Christian Ponder, a hand-off vendor for Adrian Peterson, and a security blanket for a team with a novice head coach (Leslie Frazier) and a controversial stadium referendum to sell to voters. It sounds like too many story lines: the hallmark of a trilogy that has run out of ideas.
The Chargers have the talent to return to the playoffs, and they also have their own beverage for celebrating victories: Chargers Legacy cabernet sauvignon, produced and bottled by Bell Wine Cellars of Napa Valley. A.J. Smith personally inspected every grape, alienating half of them, and Norv Turner was not involved in the production in any way, ensuring that the wine is safe to drink. Pick: Chargers.
Giants at Redskins
Sunday, 4:15 p.m.
Line: Giants by 3
Rex Grossman will start at quarterback for the Redskins. Mike Shanahan insisted throughout the off-season that John Beck would start, but that was presumably just a motivational ploy for Grossman, because the best employees are the ones who need six months of psychological manipulation to achieve adequacy. The best thing about the start of the season for the Giants is that nothing else can go wrong for them in the preseason Pick: Giants.
Lions at Buccaneers
Sunday, 1 p.m.
Line: Buccaneers by 1½
The Lions are serious wild-card contenders this year, and their first test pits them not just against the up-and-coming Buccaneers, but the steamy Tampa weather. Temperatures are expected to be around 90 degrees at kickoff, but Lions Coach Jim Schwartz was never tempted to crank up the thermostat in his team’s practice facility. “That’s foolishness,” Schwartz told The Detroit Free Press. “We don’t pipe in crowd noise, and we don’t open up the doors and make it cold, and we don’t try to smoke the team out.” The decision not to smoke the team out may haunt Schwartz if the league ever awards an expansion team to Istanbul. Pick: Buccaneers.
Eagles at Rams
Sunday, 1 p.m.
Line: Eagles by 5
With their lineup full of superstars and big-name free agents you are already sick of reading about, the Eagles have nothing to fear this season except the Law of Inverse Ninjutsu. In action movies, the more ninjas (evil robots, Imperial storm troopers) the heroes face, the less dangerous the actual threat: waves of bad guys are usually mowed down easily. By extension, the more free agents an N.F.L. team signs, the less effective each will be, at least in theory. The Rams are not in position to exploit the Law of Inverse Ninjutsu, because they are a little short to be a storm trooper. Pick: Eagles.
Bills at Chiefs
Sunday, 1 p.m.
Line: Chiefs by 6
The Chiefs played to win in the fourth preseason game. Coach Todd Haley gave his starters significant playing time in a game most coaches treat as a Greg McElroy-Ryan Perrilloux film festival. As a result of his innovative thinking, Haley lost tight end Tony Moeaki for the year and jeopardized quarterback Matt Cassel’s availability for the season opener; Cassel has been practicing with a cracked rib he sustained on a second-quarter sack. Also, the Chiefs lost. Just because Eric Mangini and Josh McDaniels are no longer head coaches does not mean Haley has to make all of the “crazy wunderkind” decisions by himself. Pick: Bills.
Titans at Jaguars
Sunday, 1 p.m.
Line: Jaguars by 2
Back in 2007, the Jaguars cut starting quarterback Byron Leftwich eight days before the season opener, promoting David Garrard to the starting job. On Tuesday, they released Garrard, promoting the journeyman backup Luke McCown, who threw only 18 passes in the preseason. The rookie Blaine Gabbert is now McCown’s backup; given the team’s track record, he will earn a starting job when McCown is cut during the coin toss of the 2012 season opener. Rickety Matt Hasselbeck will start at quarterback for the Titans, though with Chris Johnson back from a contentious preseason holdout, Hasselbeck’s main duty will be to hand off without spraining a wrist. Pick: Titans.
Bengals at Browns
Sunday, 1 p.m.
Line: Browns by 6½
Here’s a brief update on the whereabouts of last year’s Bengals. Running back Cedric Benson is back with the team after a five-day August stint in a Texas prison. Benson got time off his 20-day sentence for good behavior, which can only mean that the big inmates-versus-guards football game was coming up and the warden did not want Benson teaming up with Bert Reynolds to cause mischief. Terrell Owens, currently a free agent, was last heard on Philadelphia radio advising Eagles receiver DeSean Jackson not to play until he receives a new contract; Owens’s knee may not be fully healed, but his dissent-sowing skills are as sharp as ever. Not-quite-retired quarterback Carson Palmer now lives in the sewers, occasionally emerging to help Linda Hamilton solve crimes. The remains of the Bengals roster are not quite as good or nearly as interesting. Pick: Browns.
Seahawks at 49ers
Sunday, 4:15 p.m.
Line: 49ers by 5½
The Seahawks have had a strange case of Vikings envy in recent years. The team signed the former Vikings Tarvaris Jackson and Sidney Rice as their starting quarterback and go-to receiver despite Jackson’s track record and Rice’s injury history. Jackson was his usual sack-prone self in the preseason. Rice averaged only 5.5 yards per catch and missed significant time with a shoulder injury, causing an outbreak of Post Nate Burleson Stress Disorder among Seahawks fans. New 49ers Coach Jim Harbaugh has complete confidence in quarterback Alex Smith but is otherwise doing a swell job. Pick: Niners.
Panthers at Cardinals
Sunday, 4:15 p.m.
Line: Cardinals by 7
It’s hard to improve on a great Onion headline, and “Panthers Name Cam Newton Starting QB Because Everyone Seems to Think They Should” sums up the state of football in the Carolinas nicely. The Cardinals signed Kevin Kolb and Larry Fitzgerald for a small fortune, inserted the rookie cornerback Patrick Peterson into the starting lineup, and assembled a roster that appears destined for a 7-9 finish. Or as they are called in the N.F.C. West, a “contender.” Pick: Panthers.
Patriots at Dolphins
Monday, 7 p.m.
Line: Patriots by 7
The Dolphins are arguably the league’s least interesting team, and they definitely have the least inspiring slogans. The first slogan, as reported by Mike Berardino of The Orlando Sun-Sentinel, is “One team. One Mindset. One Goal.” As motivators go, that flunks the William Wallace test. (“They can take our land. They can take our freedom. But they CANNOT take our mindset!”) The other slogan, “Winners don’t even know they are in a race. They just love to run,” is false for any competition except toddler relays. The Dolphins are well aware that they are in a race with the superior Patriots, which by the logic of their slogan may preclude them from winning. Pick: Patriots.
Raiders at Broncos
Monday, 10:15 p.m.
Line: Broncos by 3
The most interesting player on each team is the third-string quarterback, which speaks volumes about how far this rivalry has fallen. The Broncos’ new coach, John Fox, says Tim Tebow will play more often than most third-string quarterbacks, which is like getting used more often than most swimming pool fire extinguishers. Terrelle Pryor is suspended for the first five games of the season, but according to the terms of the disciplinary action, he is allowed to start overshadowing Jason Campbell immediately. Pick: Broncos.
