This Wales team skippered by Richard Burton would conquer the world

 Alternative Wales XV  – A Welsh team to take on the World

By Brendan Gallagher in Auckland

 Full back:  Tom Jones. Sex Bomb from Pontypridd Jones has spent a lifetime fielding ladies underwear, displaying great 'hands.' under pressure. Its not unusual to find him practicing on the green green grass of home.

 

Right wing: Michael Hesaltine. Swansea's finest, dashing blonde right winger and pin-up boy who has always been a hard cat to keep on the porch.  Falls out with those in charge occasionally but impressive when in full spate. Box office.

 

Centre:  Sian Williams. Communication is vital in midfield so I'm going for Sian from BBC Breakfast Time TV. Versatile, can turn on a sixpence and steams in from some unsual angles. Selfless, makes openings for others. Could do with a good nights kip though.

 

Centre: Dylan Thomas: Just when you think he is disappearing down a blind alley, this lyrical player changes pace dramatically jinking one way and then the other to wow the audience. 80 minute competitor Thomas won't ever go "gentley into that good night"

 

Left Wing:  Aneurin Bevan. Left wing has always been Wales' strongest position but Nye Bevan gets the nod. Son of a Tredegar coal miner, always talked a good game but in fairness delivered the National Health Service. No relation to brilliant Lions wing John Bevan.

 

Fly-half: David Lloyd George. Spent six years at number ten and although he outstayed his welcome was a mighty performer in his pomp, in every conceivable way as it happens.  At least thats what my father said, and he knew him.

 

Scrum-half: Richard Burton (captain): A scrum-half in real life actually who Bleddyn Williams reckoned could have played for Wales. Babe magnet and also in charge of the beer kitty. The parallels with Mike Phillips are uncanny save for the seven Oscar nominations.

 

Prop:  Tommy Cooper: Nobody can learn their trade "just like that"  and it needed years around the clubs of Wales before Caerphilly's young comedian got his act together. Frankly you need a sense of humour in the front row

 

Hooker: Don't even go there chaps, I  know what you are thinking but this is a new look, clean living Wales. Step forward Anthony Hopkins. Packing down opposite Hannibal Lecter would send even the Pontypool front row diving for cover.

 

Prop: Bryn Terfel:  No Wales team is complete without a choirmaster and farmer's son Bryn, from Pant Glas, is that man. Extra poundage, youth and vocal range seem him relegate the ever willing Harry Secombe to the bench

 

Second row: Michael Sheen. His Jesus Christ was a triumph in the Easter Passion at Port Talbot, as was his Sir David Frost in Frost/Nixon and his Tony Blair in the Queen. Gon on Michael give us your Robbie Norster or Delme Thomas impression

 

Second row: George Everest. What you need at five is somebody who glories in reaching for the Sky, none better than George Everest, from Crickhowell, who is credited with discovering the world's highest mountain.

 

Blindside flanker : Howard Marks. The world's most celebrated 'smuggler' for two decades although Australia's flanker David Pocock has recently assumed that mantle. Marks must shed his "Mr Nice" guy image now. Time to move those joints Howard.

 

Openside flanker: T E Lawrence. The man at number seven must be a tireless, resourceful, leader who will roam incessantly looking to cause maximum carnage and discomfort to the enemy. Step forward Tremadog's Lawrence of Arabia.

 

No 8: Sian Phillips. Incredibly versatile, Sian can step into any role at short notice and steal the show, completely making it her own. Phenomenal endurance as she proved during 20 years marriage with Lawrence of Arabia, sorry Peter O'Toole.